Wednesday, March 23, 2011

In Love with the Native Americans

Since a little child, i always read and hear about the native americans. I scan the books for photos of them and their way of life. Back here in my country, i have my own advocacy,been doing it for 3 years now. I wait for the LUMADS to come on our community and give them their christmas presents, like clothes and kitchenware, which they always want to have, since they cant afford to buy new ones. If you are about to love the people outside your country you have to start inside the country. My father once said that if i am to marry a person, you have to marry the one who was a very clear cultural background. And i decided i would not marry until i found the right guy, dont care if he came from a minority group just as long as i can preserve the culture where we came from. The Native Americans are also facing  the same dilemmas as our lumads here in my country. They are deprived of their ancestral domains, some are taken away from them by force. These poor people are often used by the greedy politicians and businessmen for their own secret agendas. I have been studying the problems of the indigenous people since college and the problems are  existing today.
     Though these people are often discriminated, there are still people who respects and helps them.And i'm proud to say that i'm one of those concerned people who loves the culture and the people themselves. Although i am never been to america to meet a man that i really longed to be with, i always praying to God that somehow beyond the borders, there's this someone that waits for me. I am still looking for the "Hiawatha's Song", if that's what it is called. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Every good things in life ends in good endings. Fluttering it's way through new beginnings, a never ending cycle. What about those things that are good at first but lately disappears like bubbles popping while blown on a windy day. It was as you start to build sandcastles on a beach, with angry tides rummaging beneath, claiming the castles inch by inch. And in times of senseless oblivion,here comes the tide again, back with now gentle waves lapping, rediscovering the beauty of the beach once destroyed by it.
 This is how i interpret a love so short-lived it opened doors to the most inept situations i have been. He was my ever first and last boyfriend in highschool...but after the night we became a pair, we never saw each other again. Friends say he has this personal issues that he wants to be alone.
 That left me so confused. I learned not to be so compulsive and I waited for the time that he will open up to me. There are peer pressures, sure. Kids at school knew we were in a relationship, and i felt empty and alone. It's like having a imaginary boyfriend, nothing exists at all., to think he was out there,so distant i cannot reach.
    I have been asking myself, does he really mean to hurt me and those things he said to me were all lies? Was he just playing around with my feelings? I have decided to ask him myself what on his mind to keep me from thinking this was all my fault and i was such a fool believing on something that was not even there.
     Graduation ball. Me and my friends are having fun but my mind is wandering around, thinking he was somewhere in the crowd. He was there, alright, I have forgotten how it went, things led one thing to another, and later found ourselves talking to each other, not minding the the people around. He told me about his plans in the future and obviously that does'nt include me. I listened in silence. I forgot to ask him what i'm about to ask. My heart is pounding and crashed in defeat. The message is clear. He was to consider his own priorities. I was so afraid to break it to him, to end this relationship so we could move on... 
   Years have passed, i heard nothing from him. Friends come with news from him but i was too wayward to listen. I dont want to hear from him anymore. It will only make me so upset.
     To help myself move on, i went with other guys. I made my way through relationships effortlessly like playing games. When it comes to serious relationships nothing is ever successful. Maybe i just had'nt gotten over him.
      I've been carrying this weight for 13 years now, way back the time he left without saying a thing. The fact that the resilience had nothing to do with the love that had vanished a few years before. I just learned to forgive even if that someone had ever begged for forgiveness.
   Until this very day,after that rueful 13 years, we bumped into each other, through the net. He broke his silence. His estrangement proved rather futile. He admitted his fault. By then our conversations went deeper and came to a point that he apologized for the things that he has done and what he had failed to do...
  I tried to remember the feeling but there was nothing there. Through the years i learned to forget. Everything has changed. And it also changed the way i am. I am no longer the sweet but naive girl he used to fool around with. I have been more cautious of love. 
    I have these few lines of a song from a famous filipina singer, Joey Albert:
   "So while the song still brings that certain glow, 
                   And the words just sing of love, i know,
                   It is'nt quite the way it was before, 
              I remember the boy but i dont remember the feeling anymore....."
            The song struck me. It made my heart break again...i have waited. Yes, i  waited for him for the longest time. All this time, i wondered had he ever think of me, asked about me and how was i doing? Now i knew... he REALLY asked about me. Because he knew what has become of me these past few years. I've learned from him he already had his family but have not married the mother of his child yet. I ask why but it's just a long pause. I think it's too late for us to make up for the wasted time.
           We'd rather stay friends. As bittersweet as it seems, i guess that ends as a good start for the both of us.
         I wished him both love and happiness. Though it took some time just to say goodbye to someone that has been a part of you. I have no regrets on choosing him, as being part of his past had somehow made me feel that i was once being loved. 
       I had forgiven him long before he had this chance to apologize. This is what unconditional love was all about.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The memoirs of a water nymph

I've been here as long as i can remember...under a cove just beneath the ocean. where i could go upstream and guard the woods. This is where i prefer to stay. I love the calmness of the forest and the rivers seem to have it's own course they would go wherever they want to. I felt the rush of the water as i climbed on the steep hill, and disappeared in the thundering curtains of the waterfalls. There are dark green mosses, ferns of different kinds, the birds are singing and the sun shines above. There were no people around, i'm glad that there are none, so that i could sleep until eternity.
I dont know how long i have slept for when i awake, i can see no more trees, and all i can feel is the murky waters underneath and the waterfalls decrease their thundering. Not that i can not understand but i was confused and a bit angry at what i saw. The woods had ceased to flourish and birds are nowhere to be found.
I think this is what others before me had said. I had to do what i was destined to do...

 I lured one man down the stream and drown him... tied his frail body to the log he's about to haul. and later send the waterfall into a raging current so that everything in there would be washed downhill.

Monday, January 31, 2011

The Enchantment

These series of stories derived from childhood dreams,frustrations and experiences. as a child i always dreamed of being a character in my fantasy world... who would'nt be like that? Sometimes at a dream i'm underwater and sometimes i'm on air. either way, i'm still feeling the same, happy and carefree. As i grew older, i realized i became what i dream to be when i was a child... these dreams that i had and dreams that i make, i keep them in my journal and still have them until now. Hell... who would have thougth that a streetwise girl like me could write. People often see me with a guitar and a bottle of beer!
  Hope you would like the series.